MONSIEUR LE GOUVERNEUR DECLARES WAR

 Being a realist, I had always suspected that sooner or later our clandestine Essene operations would be discovered, and sure enough, the good news finally traveled on the wrong breeze and reached the ears of Dr. Morin and the Governor of French Polynesia, his close friend. They investigated affairs at the leper colony and right away discovered the incredible fact that we had thrown all the canned foods into the ocean! (They paid absolutely no attention to the tremendous improvement in the condition of the lepers.) Later, I found out the reason why Dr. Morin was so furious about the canned foods - it seems he had been enjoying a 20% kickback from all those canning companies in France who sent their products to the leper colony. Suddenly, new orders were not forthcoming and his pocketbook was unfavorably affected. This fact, in addition to the rumors, was probably what touched off the investigation.

What happened next was inevitable. I was visited one beautiful morning by a group of French naval officers who handed me an order of expulsion from Tahiti. After glancing at it, I told them simply that was a French citizen and Tahiti belonged to France. Therefore, I did not think anyone could legally order me off the island. The officer who had handed me the note spoke to me in great earnest. "Listen to me, Dr. Bordeaux," he said, "I like you personally. I have nothing against you. But I recommend highly that you get off the island, because Tahiti is very far from France and your friend, the Ministre de l'Interieur. But he Governor is very close! A word to the wise is sufficient." And with that bit of philosophy they left, probably taking the message to the Governor that the matter had been taken care of.

Well, the matter was not taken care of, and the "word to the wise" was not at all sufficient. I had no intention of letting myself be deported by a colonial dictator who was furthermore involved in fraud. So I rnobilized all my friends for support: M. Bambridge, the mayor of Papeete, M. Bodin, the director of the Oceanographic Institute (who Later published in his bulletin a series of articles about my findings regarding the migrations of the Maoris), M. Davio, Fred Marchal, virtually the entire staff of the leper colony, including MIle. Ablitzer, the lepers themselves, their families, and all the sick persons I had cured with the Essene methods, and their families. I felt extremely heartened by their support and loyalty, but while I was making plans about what to do, they unfortunately expressed their support in a most unexpected and violent way.

One day while I was quietly going about my business at Titioro, hundreds of my supporters stormed the Governor's palace, throwing stones, breaking windows, and demonstrating with such vigor that the Governor was forced to escape through a back door. He immediately mobilized the Navy and the gendarmes and they were able, after quite a bit of effort, to restore order and send the crowds home. But a great deal of damage had been done, and the Governor would never be convinced that I had nothing to do with the demonstration-that, in fact, I did not know anything about it until some hours after it was over.

Now the Governor was apoplectic with rage. He sent with the same naval officer an ultimatum that if our ship did not lift anchor by six o'clock the next evening, he would apply the full rigor of the law and there would be extremely serious consequences; namely, that if our ship was not gone by that time, he would turn the guns of his French battleship on it and blast it out of the harbor!

Well, that message set me to meditating: after all, I thought, we are peaceful Essenes. We have no guns, no ammunition, no army. On the level of violence we cannot cope with the situation, and anyway, it is against our principles. So I thought and meditated, and finally came up with a diabolical idea.

CONFRONTATION AND BRINKMANSHIP: AN UNFORGETTABLE TEA PARTY

I sent my friend M. Bodin to the Embassies of Great Britain, Belgium, Holland, and half a dozen others, and invited all the Foreign Consuls and Honorary Consuls to a five o'clock tea the next afternoon on board the Marihini. Without exception, they all sent back word they would be delighted, in spite of the short notice. I had already had overtures from a number of them, indicating they would like to discuss my work with me, some interested in archeology, some in psychometry, some in the migrations of the Maoris, and some, I suspect, because they had health problems.

So my crew set to work heroically, and by five o'clock the next afternoon had mustered a truly elegant high tea on board ship. All my guests arrived, and I really did enjoy meeting them. The atmosphere was lively as our discussions ranged from the speaking timbers and treatment of leprosy, to the musical ability of the natives and the arthritis of the Belgian Consul. So occupied, a whole hour flew by.

And then it was six o'clock. Our conversation suddenly ended in deathly silence as first one, then another, and finally all of us noticed that the turrets of two huge guns on the French battleship nearby had just been raised into position and were pointing directly at us!

The British Consul turned pale and stammered, "Dr. Bordeaux! What is the meaning of this?"

"Oh," I said, "I forgot to mention to all of you - the Governor is angry that I discovered Dr. Morin's fraudulent escapades at the leper colony and has threatened to shoot at our ship unless I pull up anchor and leave immediately."

The reaction to my quiet statement was all I could ask for.

"They cannot shoot at this ship!" sputtered the British Consul. "This is His Majesty's ship! This is against the law! This is piracy!"

The exclamations of indignation from the others followed the same line. The British Consul, true to his heritage, most quickly recovered his poise and asked for a pencil and paper. He wrote a hasty but explicit note to the Governor, telling him in no uncertain terms what would happen to him, in terms of diplomatic, national, international and maritime law, if so much as one sliver of the caori wood of the Marihini was scratched, and immediately sent the note, signed by all the Consular officers on board, with one of the crew to the French ship.

Then we waited. Everyone was extremely nervous; after all, when one is invited to five o'clock tea, one usually does not expect to be shot at by a battleship! Everyone seemed to be talking at once, and all the anger was directed at the Governor. A few moments later came the high point of the afternoon. We all looked up to see movement on the battleship, followed by a charging of the guns! The courageous British Consul fumed that the Governor was a madman. Well, we all agreed, but the charged guns were still pointing at us. Finally, after a few more minutes which seemed like an eternity, the Governor apparently had an attack of reason and, not wanting to start a war with all those countries represented on board my ship, reluctantly ordered the guns to be lowered. Not surprisingly, my guests took their leave shortly thereafter, smiling gamely as they shook my hand, and thanking me "for a most interesting and unusual afternoon!"

So, for the moment it was a stalemate: the Governor, all of the official agencies at his disposal, and Dr. Morin - against myself, all the Foreign Consuls, the Mayor, the Oceanographic Museum, the labor union headed by M. Davio, the intellectuals (who had long despised the Governor anyway), and all my many, many Maori and French friends. I was quite content with this stalemated position and was able to go on with my work as if nothing had happened. I was even able to continue with my work at the leper colony; apparently, Dr. Morin was afraid to challenge me directly, because he still showed up there but once a month.